I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
