She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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