yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
