and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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