Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
he just fucked me for my cheese..
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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