why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
