Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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