Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You ruined the universe
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
