been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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