WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
