you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
