apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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