Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
