im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
