I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
