My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Come share oat with me in your robe
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
