i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i permit you to call me
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
