im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
