Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
