i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
