Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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