there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
