just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
