I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
