Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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