i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
