were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
