By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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