help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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