I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
