Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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