A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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