i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
