How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
