i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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