why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
