Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
