puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
