i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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