Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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