New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
