I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
