What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
