SEEEEXXX PLEASE
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
