I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
