Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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