Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
