SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
