please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
