Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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