Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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