I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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